Having traveled for the last year staying with friends, random hosts, and family I’ve learned, sometimes the hard way, a few ways to be a great guest in someone else’s home.

1) Offer to Help

Think about this: you’re saving $10, $50 maybe even $100 a night as a house guest. You haven’t shelled out for a hostel, motel or hotel room.  That’s money you’re saving for great experiences down the line, another flight or bus ride, or another month of food on the road.

So, offer your help to your host.  What skills and services can you offer?

Are you handy around the house or with cars?  Maybe they have a running sink or a door that is hanging wrong.  Maybe their car needs an oil-change or just some more oil.  Or maybe they need a bit of yard work done.

Are you a good cook or even a decent one?  Make a meal or two.  Get the ingredients from a local grocery store or farmers market.  Maybe bake some bread, muffins or scones that everyone can munch on with a cup of tea.

Are you tech-savvy? (You should be.)  Maybe their computer needs a bit of a tuneup or they’ve been having trouble with a particular program.  Do some research and give them a hand.  Maybe they have a website that needs a bit of updating, not too hard for most tech-nomads.

Are your photos stunning?  Take some nice photos of their home, family, friends.  Go to a printing station and give them hard copies – digital ones are nice but are a bit more difficult to put over the mantle.

Take the time and offer to help them.  You’re not paying them for your time there, but you’re showing them that just like them you are willing to put up some effort and time for them.

2) Don’t Be The Sprawling Suitcase

You’re camped out on someones living room couch for a week.  Your laptop is on their kitchen table hooked up to your camera and external hard drive, cables sprawling out.  Your shoes are waylaid by the door, kicked off after you stumbled in at 3am last night.  Shirts, jeans and socks erupted from your backpack and landed like St. Helens spit them out.  Your towel is drying over the back of a kitchen chair.  Journals, maps, and guides scattered across the coffee table showcase your recent and planned escapades.

Do you want to be that person?  Even in your own home I don’t recommend a chaotic eruption of things.  But in someone else’s?

Keep your clutter minimal.

Repack or at least fold and place your clothes next to your pack.  Put away your computer and gear when you’re not there or are asleep.  Tidy up your maps, journals and guides into a single pile and keep it near your pack.

Your best idea is to occupy as little space in the persons home as possible, not to take it over like you’ve just invaded France.

3) Don’t Be The Invisible Guest

So you’ve put up a friend from out of town.  They got there, put their stuff down, got a set of keys and then out the door.  You see their stuff in the corner but you’ve only noticed traces of their presence: ruffled bedding, dishes – clean or dirty, the sound of the shower at 3am.  They came to stay with you but you haven’t seen them for more than a few minutes here and there.

Do you really want to host that friend again?  Probably not.

It’s one thing to be independent as a guest, it’s another to be invisible.  Your host has put you up, offered their space and trust to house you.  You’re not obligated to stick around the house all day but it’s a gracious thing to spend quality time with your host.  It’s a way of saying thank you for your time by giving some of your time to them.

4) Don’t Be The Needy Guest

The opposite of the invisible guest is the needy guest.  They can’t do anything without consulting you first.  You can barely get a breath in while your home before they barrage you with questions as to what the two of you can do together now that you’re home.  You’ve given them keys but it barely seems like they leave the house without you.

You have to handhold them through your city, give them permission to brush their teeth, and take care of them every step of the way.

Don’t be this guest.  It’s one thing to be considerate, ask permission for major things, and want to involve your host in your exploration of their home city.  It’s an entirely different thing to need them to be there the entire time to handhold you through the process.

Take initiative, be independent, let your host know what’s going on but don’t put the enjoyment of your stay on your host.

5) Be Clear On Your Stay

I think this one is just obvious but I’ve messed it up before.

Tell them when you arrive and when you will be leaving.  How you’ll be arriving and departing are also important for your host to know.  If your departure date is ambiguous make sure they know that, and then determine how long they are comfortable with having you there.

Being clear also includes the general rules of the household.  If they don’t like people coming and going at crazy hours.  If it’s okay to bring a friend into their home.  And so on.  Once you know these it’s unlikely you’ll accidentally overstep a boundary you didn’t realize was there.

6) Take Care of The Little Things

This is about taking care of the communal space together.  Not only are you a guest, but you are sharing a home together for a time.

Just like any shared living arrangement it’s nice when the little things get taken care of.

Take out the trash.

Do the dishes.

Sweep the floor.

Tidy the counters.

Maintain the household as if you lived there.  Please don’t go overboard if you’re a bit OCD, but find the line which makes it easier for your host to live in their own home and put you up.  Just don’t organize their underwear drawer.

7) Communicate

Like any relationship communication is key.  That’s right, you and your host have a relationship.  That of host-guest.

It’s important to be able to talk openly and honestly with your host and your host with you.  Set this transparency up from the beginning, build trust in that relationship and you’ll be one of the best house guests they’ll have ever had.

If something is bothering you, gently broach the subject.  Make yourself approachable so if your host is bothered by something they feel comfortable talking to you about it.

Directness and honesty is much better than hurt feelings, passive-aggressive behaviour, and being kicked out on your butt for crossing a line you didn’t know was there.

Bonus) Offer to put them up.

It’s amazing to have the opportunity to travel and stay in a home, whether they are new acquaintances or old friends.

Make sure to let your host know that they are welcome in your home should they pass your way in the future.  It builds a feeling of reciprocity and hopefully will help maintain a beneficial relationship into the future. Plus it means you’ll get to see them again in the future on their travels.

Flickr photo by mandiberg.